Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Cheap Glass Bongs Will Always Break Your Heart

The thing about cheap glass bongs is that they’re so easy to get attached to but quick to disappear from your life. I know as well as anyone the wonderful feeling of finding that one special bong on sale for 15, but it’s glass and not plastic. It has a cool shape and a nice color, and it comes with a fancy little bowl, and there’s even an ice catcher, and oh look, wow, there’s even a little percolator in there; it has to be, too. Good to be true! And it is too good to be true. Sure, you might have a fantastic time carrying it around in your backpack carelessly because it only cost 15 bucks, so who cares?!

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Maybe the smoke quality is wild for the amount of money you spend, and each time you take a fat toke, you wonder how on earth this little guy could make your herb so smooth. Even if you got it intending for it to be your travel bong or the one you use at parties, knowing full well it might break on you any day, the longer that cheap glass bong survives, the more of a bond you develop with it. Finally, after it’s been through the toughest of days with you and has seen more sessions than anyone could count, long after you’ve forgotten that the little bubbling pal was only supposed to be a temporary ally, destiny will come and shatter all your dreams and the glass which contained them.

I know I’m a bit overly dramatic, but trust me, man, cheap glass bongs just kind of suck. Most people buy them to save a few bucks and figure, if it breaks, then at least I didn’t spend much on it, and I can replace it. But if it hurts too soon, that’s just frustrating, and if it takes too long to fall to its doom, you’ll be sad it’s the end of the good times with it. Save yourself the heartache and trouble of replacing a glass friend; buy a high-quality glass bong from the beginning, and you’ll see it’s sturdy enough to survive a five-footfall. There’s a world of difference in various glass qualities, so go ahead and see why it’s better to drop 50 bucks from the start instead of getting a new bong every few months.

Jenna D. Norton
Jenna D. Norton
Creator. Amateur thinker. Hipster-friendly reader. Award-winning internet fanatic. Zombie practitioner. Web ninja. Coffee aficionado. Spent childhood investing in frisbees for the government. Gifted in exporting race cars in Orlando, FL. Had a brief career short selling psoriasis in Ohio. Earned praise for getting my feet wet with human growth hormone in Minneapolis, MN. Spent several years creating marketing channels for banjos for farmers. Spent 2002-2010 merchandising karma for no pay.

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